The ending to my story

Avery Grace Harris

5lb. 2 oz

8:24 AM

5/16/2010

 

Avery was born 2 days before my birthday. She came out fighting, just like a taurus:) I had a C-section, which is new to me. She was out in about 10 minutes and off to the NICU within minutes. Her cry was the best sound I have ever heard. I asked "Is she OK? Is she healthy?" Matt was with her and told me that she was perfect, after some jokes about my uterus looking like a raw turkey.  I cried and cried, until the anestesia required me to start vomiting, but it was still the greatest moment of my life. 

She will be in the NICU for another week atleast. It's really difficult to leave Avery every day. You want your newborn with you 24/7, but I rather her there than wondering if she is breathing all night here. My hormones are on over drive trying to split my time between Addison and Avery.  Addison has her graduation today, her dance recital on Saturday. Matt leaves for California on Monday for 2 days, and I still can't drive. But Avery is HERE and she is healthy, that's all that matters, the rest is logistics.

Having Avery here completes me, us. We all worked so hard for her, Matt, our parents, myself.  We are truly blessed.  Thank you for all your support and love. 

The internet is always right

I've been noticing lately that my nails have these really fine black lines running through them, they are not going away and getting worse. Luckily I have a laptop running on my bed at all times to calm these type fears on a regular basis.

I look up what this could mean and lo and behold I have heart disease. That's right. So on top of pregnancy and bedrest I now have heart disease to contend with. Could this be right? I picked up my phone to call my doctor with this new news and then thought "she is going to laugh if I tell her that I have a heart problem because my nails tell me so. "

I told Matt about it that night and he said "I have been tasting metal in my mouth for a few days, so I looked it up and it says that I have Chrones disease ." Matt is at the doctor at-least once a week with some kind of self-induced panic.

 Ahhh, so we are internet made hypochondriacs. Ok, what does it say about itchy palms and dry eyes?

To share or not to share?

One of the increasingly difficult situations that I have had to come across has been when and where it's appropriate to share that I have another daughter, Grayson.

I get asked many times a week "So is this your second?"  Many times I just say yes, or sometimes I am adamant that Grayson gets mentioned, because she is a part of our family. Today was Addison's kindergarten orientation. Talked with a lot of people, one who asked this very question. Matt and I always have this hesitation and then look between us before we answer, not knowing what the other is feeling. This must be weird to most people, this is a factual answer, there should be no pause.  We both confirmed that it was our second, not wanting to create any awkwardness.  As I walked away I could kick myself because Grayson deserves to be recognized.

When my friends share stories from their children's birth, I want to add Grayson's story to it, these are my friends and I have her pregnancy and birth story, just like Addison's. I craved fruit with Grayson, I didn't gain as much weight as I did with Addie and being pregnant over the summer is just NOT fun. I have a completely different birth story to share as we do with all of our children, when my water broke, how long I was in labor, when contractions started. This is all etched in my history along with Addison's pregnancy and entrance. But there is no joyful, happy ending here and again I hesitate to bring the group down.

Yesterday, we went to the doctor, it was great news, so great. This baby is perfect in every way. The ultrasound tech told me that she has hair. I remember when they told me that Grayson had hair, I called my dad on the way home to share the news, Addie was so...bald.

The emotions from losing Grayson are RIGHT HERE, so fresh and raw, right in front of my face again. I thought that I had neatly tucked her away in my head, to bring out when I wanted to.  Not the case.  I don't get to decide when to grieve for her, it just happens.

This is my third child.  I have three daughters, one named Addie who will be 5 in July, one named Grayson who would turn two this October and one to be born very soon.

Thanks for letting me share.

Full House is taking over OUR house

When Addison walks in the door from school, the first thing she asks for (besides food) is the show "Full House" Remember the show with Danny Tanner, his three daughters (DJ, Stephanie and Michelle) and his 2 best friends Jesse Katsopolis and Joey Gladstone? Don't forget Rebecca Donaldson, Jesse's move in girlfriend who eventually he marries and has twin boys with. 

While I am on bedrest I am much too obliged to let Addie sit and watch something that will hold her attention for more than 5 minutes.  Lately, Addison has been coming away with some interesting tidbits from the show.

The other day we were talking in the kitchen and I said "Addie do you like candy apples?"
She looks at me in surprise and says " Oh no, I would never eat that, it will take my fillings out!"  (Interesting tidbit #1)

We were in my bedroom and she pulls out this dress that I have and says "Mommy, where did you get this? The 70's?" (Interesting Tidbit #2)

She loves to tell me "That's RUDE." Stephanie's catch phrase from the 90's, and she knows what a honeymoon is "because Rebecca and Jesse went on a honeymoon to Hawaii." ( this is what she tells me, don't know if it's true.)

She begins a couple of sentences a day with "Hey Mister..." (A Michelle favorite) and knows who Elvis Presley is because of Jesse's embarrassing obsession with the man.  She wants to go to Graceland for the love of Pete.

They say that TV is shaping our children's views of the world.  Yep, I would say this is true and until I get the OK to run and play, "Full House" will continue to shape and mold Addie's little world.  Atleast she is getting a taste of the 90's, where the hair is big, acid jeans rock, and telephones still have cords.

"That's A-OK Dude." (Thanks Michelle)

Welcome Home Mom

So I was released from the hospital last week! Woohoo! From the moment I have walked in the door to my house my excitement has been quickly overshadowed by the 'little vacation without rules' I'm finding my little Addison has been on without mom.

Since I have walked into my house I have witnessed my daughter dancing on the coffee table, jumping off the back of the couch while saying "poopie!" or "butt!" and screaming at me that "nope, I'm not doing it, I don't have to, nope not ever." I'm serious that is what she says! Let me tell you there have been a few nights that she has been in bed at 6:30. Welcome home mom.

How did this happen you mght say? It starts and ends with my other half.. While she was dancing on the coffee table the other day, I said "Addie! what are you doing? Get off the table." She says "Why?" " you know your not aloud to walk on the coffee table!" I exclaim, completely horrified.  I look over at Matt and he has this look like he just dropped chocolate ice cream on white carpet.  "Oops, he says " I let her dance on the table." Wow. Seriously?

She also has had cheese tortellini with Alfredo sauce every single night for the better part of a month. I'm not kidding.

Addison gets a treat every night if she eats a good dinner. Good dinner in my house means you eat all the veggies and most of the main course and then you get like 3 tablespoons of ice cream with strawberries on top.  The "good" dinner part ended while I was out, because now she just expects a giant bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup, whip cream and get this, m&m's on top.  I-yi-yi.

In Matt's defense, I will say that he did have a lot on his plate while I was in the hospital and I guess his daughter's nutrition (nor safety) was at the top of his list.

No wonder he's the favorite.

Coolness is OUT

When I was a kid my mom and Dad were what I would consider very strict. Especially when it came to music. They were 'so lame' I would have told you, everyone listens to Madonna. What is the problem?

The year was 1988 and we were in our Honda Accord on our way to Cleveland from Wooster ( about an hour) listening to my George Micheal cassette. Duh, like I didnt know trouble was looming. So "I want your sex" comes on and I remember sitting in the backseat trying to talk over the music so that my parents cant hear the over sexed language just oozing from the speakers.  In one second my dad takes the cassette out of the player and throws it out the window saying  "what in THE hell are you listening to?"

Another time I had written the words down to Salt n peppas "push it good".  I was trying to memorize them..I can't tell you for what. It was just cool to shout out a line to a cool song while in the lunch line.  So picture this,  my dad finds the words to the song on a piece of notebook paper (that I left by the phone!)  and thinks that it's a note to a boy. This is what the note says " yeah, you come here and give me a kiss, better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed." This is how they thought I talked to boys. I was grounded for weeks and weeks. They never did get that it was a song.

I have to say that I am shocked by some of the songs out there. They are way worse than the 80's. My niece was here last summer singing crazy songs like Flo-rida's "You spin me right round baby right round" a song I happen to enjoy,  but when her sweet little face is singing words that that I hate she knows,  I had to turn it off.

What has happened to me? I used to be so cool. I'm scared of the 2020's.

Were having a baby!

This is the best day ever. We had an ultrasound this morning. Dr. Allbert was happy to report that the baby's head is measuring right on target. Baby Grayson's head completely stopped growing between 27-28 weeks. This baby's head is 28 weeks/4 days. PERFECT. Her whole body is growing perfectly! Her belly is even measuring 30 wks/1 day. Both Addie and Grayson were so tiny, this one might be a chubby one! How awesome is that?

The doctor also said that she has a 99% chance of survival with NO long term disabilites!

We're having a baby! Were actually going to take home a screaming, tiny eating machine with kissable cheeks and pinchable thighs. I think in the back of my head I have always thought that we were going to cross a road where someone was going to tell us that there is something wrong and it just wasnt meant to be. I am finally allowing myself to dream about feeling my baby in my arms, snuggling up to my neck, and smelling her baby soft skin. I picture her cooing, her legs and arms uncontrollably kicking away. Her first smiles, soon turning into belly laughs, and watching Addie play.

I'm over come with emotion today. Today is the day that a long awaited dream is starting to become a reality. I am so thankful.

Let the shopping begin!