Thursday, August 19, 2010

School is awesome!

So I have taken a long hiatus from writing.  I wish I could say that I have been blissfully enjoying watching my newborn sleep, but Addison has been home with me since the baby has been born. Talk about piling on. So add a newborn and a 4 year old and bam! Welcome back to reality lady, no more bedrest or ANY rest for you!

Gone are the days of staring at the ceiling fan, wondering what to watch next on the boob tube. crocheting has been replaced by snacks, bottles and more snacks. Law and Order has been nixed and Full House is back in. Grocery shopping (which you may remember I love) is now a frenzied race to see how much I can get on my list in as little amount of time possible with a whiny preschooler and a crying baby in tow. It's crazy I tell ya!

Addison started kindergarten yesterday and LAWD! it is wonderful. I downloaded pictures to Facebook yesterday, I went to the store with just ONE infant and I read part of a magazine! Seriously!

I'm looking forward to getting back into blogging. It gives me a connection to the outside adult world. Thanks for reading, I'll be in touch. :)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Addie LOVES the baby..

Baby Avery has been home for two weeks now.  She is an absolute joy to have around, we just love her to death! The transition to a family of 4 has been interesting, especially for Addison.

When we brought Avery home, Addison had us all in tears. She was absolutely and still is in love with her sister.  She kissed her hands, her feet, arms, elbows, head and knees for HOURS. She kept saying this is the best day ever! (that got replaced by Carowinds a week later)

I thought that maybe this fascination would die down a bit.  Oh no, Addison will not let us out of her site. If I am feeding Avery, she is laying on the other knee, kissing her face, ears and head. (I know a little awkward when your breast-feeding) same with giving her a bath, changing her diaper or tummy time.  I bet Avery is thinking "could I take a nice long nap without Addison's lips all over my body?"

Friday, May 21, 2010

The ending to my story

Avery Grace Harris
5lb. 2 oz
8:24 AM

Avery was born 2 days before my birthday. She came out fighting, just like a taurus:) I had a C-section, which is new to me. She was out in about 10 minutes and off to the NICU within minutes. Her cry was the best sound I have ever heard. I asked "Is she OK? Is she healthy?" Matt was with her and told me that she was perfect, after some jokes about my uterus looking like a raw turkey.  I cried and cried, until the anestesia required me to start vomiting, but it was still the greatest moment of my life. 

She will be in the NICU for another week atleast. It's really difficult to leave Avery every day. You want your newborn with you 24/7, but I rather her there than wondering if she is breathing all night here. My hormones are on over drive trying to split my time between Addison and Avery.  Addison has her graduation today, her dance recital on Saturday. Matt leaves for California on Monday for 2 days, and I still can't drive. But Avery is HERE and she is healthy, that's all that matters, the rest is logistics.

Having Avery here completes me, us. We all worked so hard for her, Matt, our parents, myself.  We are truly blessed.  Thank you for all your support and love. 

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The internet is always right

I've been noticing lately that my nails have these really fine black lines running through them, they are not going away and getting worse. Luckily I have a laptop running on my bed at all times to calm these type fears on a regular basis.

I look up what this could mean and lo and behold I have heart disease. That's right. So on top of pregnancy and bedrest I now have heart disease to contend with. Could this be right? I picked up my phone to call my doctor with this new news and then thought "she is going to laugh if I tell her that I have a heart problem because my nails tell me so. "

I told Matt about it that night and he said "I have been tasting metal in my mouth for a few days, so I looked it up and it says that I have Chrones disease ." Matt is at the doctor at-least once a week with some kind of self-induced panic.

 Ahhh, so we are internet made hypochondriacs. Ok, what does it say about itchy palms and dry eyes?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

To share or not to share?

One of the increasingly difficult situations that I have had to come across has been when and where it's appropriate to share that I have another daughter, Grayson.

I get asked many times a week "So is this your second?"  Many times I just say yes, or sometimes I am adamant that Grayson gets mentioned, because she is a part of our family. Today was Addison's kindergarten orientation. Talked with a lot of people, one who asked this very question. Matt and I always have this hesitation and then look between us before we answer, not knowing what the other is feeling. This must be weird to most people, this is a factual answer, there should be no pause.  We both confirmed that it was our second, not wanting to create any awkwardness.  As I walked away I could kick myself because Grayson deserves to be recognized.

When my friends share stories from their children's birth, I want to add Grayson's story to it, these are my friends and I have her pregnancy and birth story, just like Addison's. I craved fruit with Grayson, I didn't gain as much weight as I did with Addie and being pregnant over the summer is just NOT fun. I have a completely different birth story to share as we do with all of our children, when my water broke, how long I was in labor, when contractions started. This is all etched in my history along with Addison's pregnancy and entrance. But there is no joyful, happy ending here and again I hesitate to bring the group down.

Yesterday, we went to the doctor, it was great news, so great. This baby is perfect in every way. The ultrasound tech told me that she has hair. I remember when they told me that Grayson had hair, I called my dad on the way home to share the news, Addie was so...bald.

The emotions from losing Grayson are RIGHT HERE, so fresh and raw, right in front of my face again. I thought that I had neatly tucked her away in my head, to bring out when I wanted to.  Not the case.  I don't get to decide when to grieve for her, it just happens.

This is my third child.  I have three daughters, one named Addie who will be 5 in July, one named Grayson who would turn two this October and one to be born very soon.

Thanks for letting me share.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Full House is taking over OUR house

When Addison walks in the door from school, the first thing she asks for (besides food) is the show "Full House" Remember the show with Danny Tanner, his three daughters (DJ, Stephanie and Michelle) and his 2 best friends Jesse Katsopolis and Joey Gladstone? Don't forget Rebecca Donaldson, Jesse's move in girlfriend who eventually he marries and has twin boys with. 

While I am on bedrest I am much too obliged to let Addie sit and watch something that will hold her attention for more than 5 minutes.  Lately, Addison has been coming away with some interesting tidbits from the show.

The other day we were talking in the kitchen and I said "Addie do you like candy apples?"
She looks at me in surprise and says " Oh no, I would never eat that, it will take my fillings out!"  (Interesting tidbit #1)

We were in my bedroom and she pulls out this dress that I have and says "Mommy, where did you get this? The 70's?" (Interesting Tidbit #2)

She loves to tell me "That's RUDE." Stephanie's catch phrase from the 90's, and she knows what a honeymoon is "because Rebecca and Jesse went on a honeymoon to Hawaii." ( this is what she tells me, don't know if it's true.)

She begins a couple of sentences a day with "Hey Mister..." (A Michelle favorite) and knows who Elvis Presley is because of Jesse's embarrassing obsession with the man.  She wants to go to Graceland for the love of Pete.

They say that TV is shaping our children's views of the world.  Yep, I would say this is true and until I get the OK to run and play, "Full House" will continue to shape and mold Addie's little world.  Atleast she is getting a taste of the 90's, where the hair is big, acid jeans rock, and telephones still have cords.

"That's A-OK Dude." (Thanks Michelle)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Welcome Home Mom

So I was released from the hospital last week! Woohoo! From the moment I have walked in the door to my house my excitement has been quickly overshadowed by the 'little vacation without rules' I'm finding my little Addison has been on without mom.

Since I have walked into my house I have witnessed my daughter dancing on the coffee table, jumping off the back of the couch while saying "poopie!" or "butt!" and screaming at me that "nope, I'm not doing it, I don't have to, nope not ever." I'm serious that is what she says! Let me tell you there have been a few nights that she has been in bed at 6:30. Welcome home mom.

How did this happen you mght say? It starts and ends with my other half.. While she was dancing on the coffee table the other day, I said "Addie! what are you doing? Get off the table." She says "Why?" " you know your not aloud to walk on the coffee table!" I exclaim, completely horrified.  I look over at Matt and he has this look like he just dropped chocolate ice cream on white carpet.  "Oops, he says " I let her dance on the table." Wow. Seriously?

She also has had cheese tortellini with Alfredo sauce every single night for the better part of a month. I'm not kidding.

Addison gets a treat every night if she eats a good dinner. Good dinner in my house means you eat all the veggies and most of the main course and then you get like 3 tablespoons of ice cream with strawberries on top.  The "good" dinner part ended while I was out, because now she just expects a giant bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup, whip cream and get this, m&m's on top.  I-yi-yi.

In Matt's defense, I will say that he did have a lot on his plate while I was in the hospital and I guess his daughter's nutrition (nor safety) was at the top of his list.

No wonder he's the favorite.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Coolness is OUT

When I was a kid my mom and Dad were what I would consider very strict. Especially when it came to music. They were 'so lame' I would have told you, everyone listens to Madonna. What is the problem?

The year was 1988 and we were in our Honda Accord on our way to Cleveland from Wooster ( about an hour) listening to my George Micheal cassette. Duh, like I didnt know trouble was looming. So "I want your sex" comes on and I remember sitting in the backseat trying to talk over the music so that my parents cant hear the over sexed language just oozing from the speakers.  In one second my dad takes the cassette out of the player and throws it out the window saying  "what in THE hell are you listening to?"

Another time I had written the words down to Salt n peppas "push it good".  I was trying to memorize them..I can't tell you for what. It was just cool to shout out a line to a cool song while in the lunch line.  So picture this,  my dad finds the words to the song on a piece of notebook paper (that I left by the phone!)  and thinks that it's a note to a boy. This is what the note says " yeah, you come here and give me a kiss, better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed." This is how they thought I talked to boys. I was grounded for weeks and weeks. They never did get that it was a song.

I have to say that I am shocked by some of the songs out there. They are way worse than the 80's. My niece was here last summer singing crazy songs like Flo-rida's "You spin me right round baby right round" a song I happen to enjoy,  but when her sweet little face is singing words that that I hate she knows,  I had to turn it off.

What has happened to me? I used to be so cool. I'm scared of the 2020's.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Were having a baby!

This is the best day ever. We had an ultrasound this morning. Dr. Allbert was happy to report that the baby's head is measuring right on target. Baby Grayson's head completely stopped growing between 27-28 weeks. This baby's head is 28 weeks/4 days. PERFECT. Her whole body is growing perfectly! Her belly is even measuring 30 wks/1 day. Both Addie and Grayson were so tiny, this one might be a chubby one! How awesome is that?

The doctor also said that she has a 99% chance of survival with NO long term disabilites!

We're having a baby! Were actually going to take home a screaming, tiny eating machine with kissable cheeks and pinchable thighs. I think in the back of my head I have always thought that we were going to cross a road where someone was going to tell us that there is something wrong and it just wasnt meant to be. I am finally allowing myself to dream about feeling my baby in my arms, snuggling up to my neck, and smelling her baby soft skin. I picture her cooing, her legs and arms uncontrollably kicking away. Her first smiles, soon turning into belly laughs, and watching Addie play.

I'm over come with emotion today. Today is the day that a long awaited dream is starting to become a reality. I am so thankful.

Let the shopping begin!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Welcome back Addison

Addison has been away in Charleston, SC with her Grandparents for one whole week. It has been so helpful not to worry who is going to pick her up from school, keep her at their house until Matt gets home and so on. Luckily we have great neighbors that are always willing to pick her up and keep her at any time, but I still feel like we are being invasive.

So Addison took a nice, long vacation during spring break. Problem is, we missed her like CRAZY.

Matt's parents brought her in last night and I almost cried just seeing her and how much she had grown! I couldnt stop hugging and kissing her cute little face. I had to watch it cuz I was starting to get the annoyed  'your touching me too much' look. 1 week, that's all it was and I swear she looked like a 5 year old. She brought a giant bag full of stuff to show me, a new outfit to twirl around in and show off, told me all about her escapades (especially seeing the white alligator at the aquarium) and had a HUGE smile on her face the entire time she was here.

The best part was when Matt walked in after work. She was hiding under the sink from him, so we went through the whole "where is Addie?  I thought she was with you?" until out she popped with a Boo! and literally jumped into Matt's arms. Those two just stood there hugging with Addison's head on his shoulder for about 2 whole minutes. I swear I don't think my heart has ever felt more full.

I can't wait for this baby, the love we have for our children, it's an amazing, powerful thing.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

scratch it off my wierdo list

I had a list that makes me wierd that I put together a few weeks ago. On that list I said that I love getting shots and look forward to giving blood. I take it all back. I hate shots, IV's and giving blood.

I'm quirky, but that IS just wierd.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Thank you everyone

To everyone that reads my blog and comments, Thank you. It's so nice to know that people are reading and caring. I appreciate each one of your comments and read them every day.

Love to you all

Monday, March 29, 2010

Here for the duration....

I had a pretty ugly night in the hopsital on Saturday night. Woke up in a pool of blood around 11:30, I had thought my water broke. I called for the nurses, 5 came running in trying to find the babies heartbeat, starting an IV line, cleaning me up, changing me into a gown, yelling for the doctor to bring the ultrasound machine because they couldnt find her Heartbeat. It had to be a full five minutes before the doctor ran in with the machine and immediatly put the doppler on my stomach. The head nurse stood behind him waiting, waiting, my breath was caught in my throat. She looked into my eyes and said, "yes, there it is. " breathe, in and out. I was able to get Matt on the phone to let him know that what was happening and that they were moving me to labor and delivery. If the bleeding didnt stop, I was getting a cesarean. Matt was here in 15 minutes, we live in a another state. I'm sure many laws were broken en-route.

In labor and delivery, the babies heart rate was fine, but I was having contractions. They talked about giving me magnesium sulfate, which I hear just makes you want to die. I got steroid shots to help the babies lungs mature and we were monitored for the next 18 hours. I didnt sleep a wink that night. We are so close, this is just too early. She would be in the NICU until her due date and while she is a perfectly viable baby, she would have to go through some horrible stuff for the next 3 months.

I have had 2 big bleeds in one week. It's not looking good to go full term. In fact pretty much there is no chance. 34 weeks might be the longest we can keep her in with placenta previa.

She is going to be fine,  I have complete faith, please pray and keep us in your thoughts.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Technology rocks

So I have been in the hospital since Sunday. I had a minor placental abruption  that seemed to clear itself up by Sunday night. They are planning on keeping me here until Monday. I have to say it's nice to be monitored so closely and being here gives me added security that the baby is doing OK.

I do have some issues that I am going to warn you come along with a lot of spoiled complaining. If you can't stand whining and fit throwing then you should stop reading now.

Let's start with the positive. The hospital room is very nice. It has a small refrigerator, private bath, a couch for visitors or husbands that would like to spend the night and a small TV. The staff totally rocks, all are so sweet and will do anything to calm my nerves.

So here is where I start my little tirade. Let me just tell you how much Matt and I love TV. We have one in just about every room. We have our big screen in the basement and we even have our outside deck wired for one. Every one of these includes DVR, sometimes commonly referred to as TiVo.

After dinner, where we have got a minute by minute play of Addie's day, one or all of the TV's are turned on for our enjoyment.   Addison is usually watching Full House for the 100th time upstairs in her play room, Matt is watching ESPN downstairs  and I have Millionaire Matchmaker on in the living area.. Once Addie goes to bed,  God forbid Matt and I would take some time to actually talk to each other after a long day, no we look to TV to de-stress. Sometimes we say, "so do you want to talk?" and then we slightly chuckle and say "Nah, that's crazy talk, let's go downstairs and watch Big Love." This is where DVR comes in. I have no idea what nights ANYTHING is actually on. All of the shows that we regularly watch is on DVR. Just poof!  It's there and we get to watch it commercial free and during American Idol, Kara and Randy free!

In my hospital room, it's 100% TV all the time. There is no GUIDE much less DVR. I have 75 channels and do you think that I can find anything to watch? I have no idea what time anything comes on, much less where NBC or FOX is. So at 7:58 I start scanning the channels trying to make the start of any show. Once I find a show that looks like it was made this century, I take a minute or two to figure out what it is, then continue to scan the channels to see if anything better is on, all the while trying to remember what channel that one show was on that I thought might be good to watch.

 How did we live without this amazing thing called DVR? I remember living with 3 channels in the 70's and you had to get UP to change the channel, so why is this so bad?

I guess we just get so spoiled by every day tchnology, even if it is realitively new.  DVR was just invented like 5 years ago so how do we not remember a day without it! It's like everything else, ATM cards, cell phones, MP3 players, COMPUTERS! We have come so far! In fact I would venture to say that the 70's was closer to the age of the dinosaurs than now.

I guess I will just go back to the good old days and listen to radio while here in the hospital. There is a great show that I listen to on my iphone (could'nt do that a few years ago) it's called the Matt and Ramona show.It makes me happy and I don't have to search for it. 107.9 THE LINK. 3-7. (I know, shameless...)

Friday, March 19, 2010

Am I the weirdest person you have ever met?

Many times in my life, especially through college, I have been told that I am weird. I don't mind that actually. I like being a little different.  My father in law, months after we met said "You know, you are really weird."  Why, thank you, and I really do mean that! Brian Ellis in 1996 made the same observation. "You are the weirdest person I have ever met." Cool! And my husband Matt doesn't have to say it, we are both weird, that is why we work. But lately as I have had plenty of time to ponder, why is this so?

I sat down and put a little list together.

 Could it be because I play million dollar question in my head? If there is a name that I am trying to think of, or even 3 movies that start with the letter R, I pretend that I am in a game show and if I can get the answer before the buzzer goes off I win 1 Million dollars! Now the buzzer is not of predetermined time, on no, it depends on my mood. Bad mood, buzzer always goes off and I am a big fat loser, good mood and the crowd goes wild after I name 3 actors that have starred in movies based on an Island.  I do this about 10 times a day. WEIRD

Could it be because I  over cheer everything? Board games, softball games, 3 legged race...better be on my team cuz all I do is scream, win or lose.  I write whatever word was last said in a conversation on my leg. My college roommate is the only one to have caught on. When she comes to visit, she still watches my leg and asks "what are you writing?"

Or maybe because I walk around shouting out names all day. It is usually from the news or whatever TV program was on that morning. It is always preceded by "Hello, my name is..." I once went around saying "Hello my name is Saddam Hussein"  for a week.  My brother in law always makes fun of the time we were in the car and I shouted "Hello, my name is Comcast Cable"

Could it be because I save all my favorite magazines and books for last? I get US Weekly in the mail and it has to go to the bottom of the pile, I read Redbook, Good Housekeeping and Cooking Light before I will let myself enjoy US Weekly. Problem is but the time I get to it, more magazines have arrived and half the time I am 3 behind. Same with books, save the best for last. I have books that I am so excited to read from 2 years ago piled in my closet.

Maybe it's because I love to give myself shots. Even I will say that is weird. I even kind-of like giving blood!  I look forward to going to the lab at the doctor's office and my heart skips a beat when it's shot day at home (Thursdays and it's for the baby) I'm gonna miss shot days when this is all over with..

And lastly, I am an exaggerated waver.  I wave at everyone, especially from cars and I want them to know it.  I wave at busses, trains, bike riders, Santa Claus and my favorite, the trolly.  Just pick up your hand and wave back..that is what is so fun at being waved at! It brings joy and happiness to all involved.

I'm sure if you put together a weird-o list, you could come up with some quirky items too, I just happen to have a lot of time on my hands to actually put one together.

After reading this, I am now curious if I am going to be committed.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Daddy always says YES!

One night last week Addison and I are watching yet another movie waiting for Daddy to come home.

Addison says "Mom did I eat a good dinner?" This happens every single solitary night so I know how the conversation is going to go. "Did you eat all your vegetables?" I say? "Yes definately. Don't you remember?"

 I do, and I have to say she does a pretty good job on her veggies. I won't lie, it's the threat of no treat that gets her to eat whatever green mushy thing it may be, but whatever works.

"Ok, then ask your dad when he gets home." I say,  not wanting to move my mammoth body off the luxery of the couch. (nor should I, hello bedrest?)
"Addie jumps in delight and says "Yea! He will definatley say YES! Daddy always says yes."

Really? Is that so? Why am I pretending to be shocked? Matt IS Mr.Yes man. We know this in our house and everyone is fine with me being Mrs. Meanie, bossy pants, except me.

 "I relay the story to Matt, in front of Addison thinking he might chuckle and say, "It's nice you think that sweetie, but Daddy does'nt always say yes. Sometimes I have to say No!"
Or "well, daddy needs to work on saying no, mommy can't always be the bossy meanie pants! "

No, Daddy says "Oh honey, I am so glad that you think that, Daddy loves to give you everything and if I can I will always say yes to whatever y our little heart desires." (Ok, maybe this is slightly exagerated, but this is what I heard)

Alrighty, we obviously need to have a nice long talk...AFTER bedrest is over. With everything on Matt's plate right now if I told him that he needed to start disciplining and work on his NO skills, I would bet that I would find him at the bottom of the cliff in our backyard one evening.  If  giving his daughter everything she ever wanted  makes him happy, and it may be the ONE bright spot in his day (besides ESPN) then I can give him that for 3 more months..... After that, it's hello Mr.Notsoniceafterall!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Baby News

We went to the specialist this morning, we are down to going every three weeks now instead of every two.

News was wonderful! She is almost 2 pounds, measuring perfectly, moving like crazy and cute as can be (well i think so) The doctor was happy, we were happy, endless joy ensued.

Unfortunately, I still have placenta previa which means more bed-rest, but this is OK, Bed-rest IS working! I will spare you details of WHY it's working, we will be teetering on TMI if I do.

I tried to convince the doctor that I should come every two weeks instead of 3. He said, "why don't you just buy yourself an ultrasound machine?" Okaaay..I guess that's a no?

25 weeks. Matt and I said when bed-rest first began, if we can make it to 25 we will be so happy. Here we are and it feels great! Now, let's get to 28!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Guilt gets me out of bed in the morning

Some people say that guilt is a wasted emotion. I would agree if I wasnt so consumed with it on a daily basis.

Bedrest guilt fills my thoughts even though there is nothing that I can do about it. These days I question whether Matt knows how much I wish I could help him around the house, whether Addison resents me for not playing with her as much, wether my body is going to turn on me and turn into a 400 pound walking doughnut.

When I was working there was the whole working moms guilt that would gently tug at my hearstrings every day. Is Addison getting involved in preschool gangs? Is she the target of 3 year bullying? Is she going to be completely messed up because her mom chose to work instead of stay home with her? Do I leave her at daycare too long? Will she recongnize me when I walk in the door?

Oh I was a stay-at-home mom as well. I know both sides. I was a stay-at-home mom burnout and luckily realized that staying home with my two year old ALL day was not healthy for me, which is not healthy for my daughter. Those days the guilt would consume me. Is the house clean enough?  Is the TV on too much? That sippy cup full of milk Addie found under the couch, is it from today? Her Bi-polar tantrums are out of control, what do I do? It was a constant questioning of my ability as a mother.

Once I decided to go into Real Estate it gave me the opportunity to balance both work and Addison time. I was able to work, put on makeup and have adult conversations that didnt involve Disney, Barney or The Wiggles. It was freedom people. When the stay-at-home Mom guilt would creep up I could take a day and spend it with Addison atleast once or twice a week. Mommy/Addie day we called it. We would go to the zoo,the  library, out to lunch, get icecream, go to the pool and have picnics at the playground. It was full of fun Addie time. I miss those days.

Addison starts Kindergarten this year and I am already feeling melancholy. Addie and I went through alot together over the past 5 years. I have gone through some serious life changing awareness about myself and well, Addison has gone from being a tiny, helpless poop machine to a beautiful and funny little girl that can can get dressed in the morning, pour her own milk and go on sleepovers without a single call to her mommy and daddy.

I'm looking forward to starting my journey with this new little one. I am sure that it's going to be a much different experience, knowing what I know now, but I would never trade in all those guilty days for a million dollars. Ok, maybe a few.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My first wheelchair trip

When I was at my doctor's office last week, I casually asked about shopping and getting out with a wheelchair, where I recieved much to my delight, approval.

Luckily, my parents were here this weekend to help out with some things around the house and to escort me on my maiden voyage. We left Matt at home for a much needed rest and my dad at the Sears outlet.

This first trip was suitably to Babies-r-us. With my mother and Addison in tow, we head to the baby superstore with my list of yet needed baby items my Grandmother's old traveling wheelchair that has been in my parents attic for decades.

My sweet mother has this idea that I can't stand, much less take a few steps, so when we shut down the engine and I begin to get out of the van,I jolt to her frantic scream  "Don't move!" She jumps out of the car, runs to the back to get out the wheelchair and brings it right up to my door. I can now fall into the seat, my feet never touching the ground!

Addison is soo tired she can't even walk, she HAS to sit on my lap. We arrive at the doors with my tiny mother trying to navigate our teetering wheelchair stacked to the brim with bodies.

Once we get inside, we start to get a cart and then look from cart, to wheelchair, cart to wheelchair. How is my mother going to push me AND the cart? We think and ponder and finally come up with the great idea that I will push the cart and she can push me! Genious! We put Addison in the base of the cart, so she can sleep. The Harris train begins it's journey, Addison and the cart first, me and my wheelchair second and my Mom heading up the back, pushing us all.

Many isles and stares later, we come to the conclusion that this is not working, we are too big, we are getting nothing done but navigation techniques, and Addie can't make up her mind between the cart, my lap or clinging to Grandma.

After hours of shopping for a meager 6 items, We checkout, get to the car, unload our packages, load up the wheelchair and are half way out of the parking lot, where I realize that we forgot to use my coupons! Close to $20 bucks worth, definately worth it. My mom runs in to the crowded store and braves the customer service line for half and hour. She comes out, reciept in hand, with the exhausted look of triumph on her face. My poor mom, she took a nap on the way home.

We did it. Our first outing with the wheelchair. Ask me, it was totally worth it. Ask my mom? I may not see her again until the baby is born. :)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Usually I am feeling pretty lousy before we go to our weekly doctors visits. Most of the time it is full of stress, and we walk away feeling defeated when we hear more bad news.

We went to the doctors office yesterday. Walking through their doors is like walking into an exhibit at the zoo of pregnant female mammals. Even the ladies behind the desks have masks on, I guess so they don't catch what we might be carrying. We usually have atleast a 45 minute wait so today I brought my book, water bottle and phone to pass the time. Lo and behold, we were called within minutes! I could tell this was already going to be a great visit.

They walk us back to the death march song. Somber as can be we go into the ultrasound room, where I take my place, shirt up, on the ultrasound table, Matt sits next to me holding my hand. As we wait nervously, Matt begins a nervous twitch, where he pretends to play ping pong in the air, or rocks back and forth, arms in a scarecrow postion swinging them so that both arms make full circles. He adds sound effects to the whole shabang. At this point in our marriage I don't even pay attention, I used to be mildly amused.

The team comes in, puts the jelly on the belly and tada!! There is our little baby! She is moving like crazy, sucking on her fingers. We try to understand her positions. Everytime I think I am looking at her tummy, its actually her head. They showed us her nostrils yesterday, I thought it was her bum bum. Hopefully, by the time she is born we can figure this out.

Doctor looked her over and she and I are doing way better than expected! Bedrest is working! Yippee! I MAY even go all the way to term. Wouldnt that be crazy! We walked out of that place feeling like a million bucks. I think I'm starting to like going there!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I AM funny. To my husband.

One of my favorite things every Friday night is waiting for Matt to come home, putting Addison to bed and then watching movies. (which used to include wine)I say movies, but that is a secret wish of mine, once the clock strikes ten, we are in bed. So that usually means ONE movie, and that can sometimes be a strech.

So our movie of choice last night was "Couples Retreat". Cute, but not so humorous. Anyway, during these types of movies I like to shout out what I think are funny little attempts at comedy. "OH MY GOD, did you see those shorts? Could they BE any shorter! Good Lord Lady!" (Usually these comedic bits are aimed at making fun of another..I know, I must have low self-esteem) Now this one-liner may not be so funny to YOU or anyone else in the room ..BUT I looked over and realized that my husband is laughing out loud at ME. Not at the movie at ME. He loves it! He always has. I realized then that it's true love. The man does comedy for a living and yet he still comes home and finds ME funny.

Everyone always asks, "Is he funny at home? Does he still make you laugh?"

Yep..he makes me laugh, smile, and giggle every single day. He is my best friend, my rock, my private comedian and I guess he finds me pretty funny too! I guess we were meant to be.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

What's in your head?

I love to plan. Wether it's weekends, vacations, holidays or just dinner, planning the occasion is my favorite part.

I have been planning and planning, thinking and planning since being put on bedrest. I have our weeks, weekends and nights planned until 2015. I even have us riding happily in our new RV in 2017, kids, mom and dad all smiles, ready for the start of a fantastic weekend. I have such fond memories of camping with my cousins when I was younger. Riding our bikes, swimming in Atwood Lake, the scarecrow making contest over labor day. I now have the thought firmly implanted in my head that our family should do the same.

"Hey, what do you think about getting an RV one day and camping when the kids are older? " I ask Matt non-chalantly over the weekend.

"What? I can't think past dinner!" He says, obviously amazed I would even broach the subject.

That got me thinking, the man's head is so full, what is it so full of? If he isnt thinking about what he needs to do for the day, week, or what we are going to eat for dinner, then what is he thinking about?

It was then that I figured it out, Matt's brain is 93.8% full of sports. I realized that sports center is on in the background all day, sports talk is on in the car all day. He works out to podcasts about sports for the love of pete. He reads every sports magazine ever written, weekly, monthly, you name it. He goes online and researches teams and players and gets the latest stats. He is on 3 fantasy football teams. Oh and get this, he can see a baseball game from 1972 on TV and tell me what play is going to happen next. Now that is impressive.

So there you have it, my brain is full of multitasking, he can hyper-focus on sports. Whatever works, as long as he's happy. :)

Saturday, February 6, 2010


I was a bit bummed this morning when I woke up and realized that Addison had her first gymnastics meet. The thought of little 3 and 4 year olds competing in their gymnastics gear, trying to do a log roll cracks me up. Pretty soon I was down in the dumps in an "I feel so sorry for myself mode." This is only the beginning! What more "firsts" am I going to miss? Blah, blah, blah. It didnt take long for me to realize that I needed to completely recenter myself. So I prayed and focused, I focused my energy on the health of my child, I prayed for the continued blessings that are showered on us each day and I just wanted to say thanks. Thank you for the health of my family and my friends. Thank you for Matt's job. Thank you for keeping my children alive and well. You know what? It completly changed my perspective for the day.

When we lost Grayson, we were in shock, I felt that kindof gratitude on a level that I have never experienced before. Gratitude for my healthy, beautiful 3 year old, grateful for both of our families that dropped everything to cry with us, be with us and help with Addison. Thankful for all my friends for listening to me and helping me merge back into society after such a horrible loss.

This time my gratitude is different. It comes from the joy that I have a living child inside of me. Still very much alive and getting stronger each day. Grateful for a doting husband that makes me feel like a Queen, never complaining, always making me laugh. Thankful for my family that worries with me every day. I have gratitude for my friends that are going to help pass the long days ahead and make us delicious dinners so we don't have to eat tuna mac every night.

Gratitude is an amazing thing. It can change your attitude and outlook for the entire day. Think about everything that you are grateful for, pray for that feeling of serenity every day, because you never know when the carpet can be pulled out from under you.

Life is good. Very good.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Grocery Withdraw

I confess, I am a grocery store junkie. I actually get excited when I find time during my day to casually peruse the isles, looking for the next best thing that my family can't live without. I pride myself on knowing exactly where everything is, even the Wheat Germ. (It's in the cereal isle for future reference)

So making my grocery list while on bedrest looks a little like this

AVACADO (black means too ripe, green means not ripe enough, somewhere in between is perfect. Feel it though and make sure it has a little give to it)
ALMONDS (plain, not sliced, no honey crunchy coating, just plain)
PRUNES (in salad dressing isle, opposite end of salad dressings..we like the one a days)
CHICKEN (breast, organic, smart freeze, no gross white things all over it,fresh.)

So the list goes on and on like this for two pages. I would be completely annoyed with anyone that gave me a list like this, but luckily Matt isnt me and loves the extra detail.

Matt's maiden voyage was last weekend. Out he goes into the grocery store jungle, armed with his mighty list, trusty pen, and cell phone should he encounter any problems.

Problems? No problems..just 5 phone calls, 3 items that didnt make it into the cart, and 10 items that were wrong. And it took 3 hours. But hey, no big deal, we all need to sacrifice during momma's time out.

My goal is that by the time this is over, Matt will be a genious grocery shopper and I will be less of a control freak. Now where is my list? I need water flavor sticks. (not the ones that have aspartame, not crystal light, less than 10 calories, you can pick it out)

You want to smack me don't you?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Dad made what?

Sitting down to a beautiful meal prepared by chef Matt last night...
I exclaim  "Addie, look at this! Doesnt  this look so good! Tell Daddy how great it looks!"
Addison looks at her plate and looks up at me perplexed, and says "Who made this for us?"
Not understanding her confusion I say "Daddy! Didnt he do a great job!
"No, Mom, your not understanding me, I mean Who brought this to us?"

After much explaining, the poor girl still does not get the concept that Daddy can feed us.

I guess this makes me feel good for two reasons, I have been doing a wonderful job of hiding the fact that Daddy CAN indeed cook, and I have obviously been keeping this family fed for 4 years now, never alluding to the fact that anyone can do it but me.

Monday, February 1, 2010

4 days in...

I have been asked to start a blog by a few of my family and friends. A blog about Bedrest, you heard right it's going to be soo interesting. Me and the normally there could be some very interesting stories that could come from me and my bed, but this is a PG blog. He, he he....Ok, I'm lying, there is nothing exciting that happens in my bed:(

So I have been sentenced to the bed. Yep, for the next 20 weeks I will officially be confined to this bed for 23 hours a day. No big deal. I have a beautiful little girl inside of me that is relying on me to do my job. Actually, I have two little girls relying on me to do my job, one that needs a sister in the worst way.

I am 4 days into it and I have to say, so far so good. Ok, there has been only 1 real day of by myself bedrest, I am not going to lie, it was kind of nice. I hear this from other bedresters. The first week is awesome. You get the rest you finally need! TV is full of great reruns and the internet is an oasis full of interesting websites waiting to be found.

The weekend proved to be full of guilt as my husband ran around while I watched. That is is by far the hardest part. When you have to sit on a chair explaining to your signifigant other where EVERYTHING in the kitchen is, including a pan to make a scrambled egg in, the take control factor really takes over. I start shouting orders such as, "the burner is on too hot, I can tell it's burning" or " It's in the pantry, no to the left, no up higher, IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE " The look of disgust on Matt's face is worth never talking again. I have had to change my tact a bit to "Honey, if it were me, and this is just a suggestion, I would you add parmesean to the breading, but that is just me, you can do whatever works for you ." It's all in the delivery.

Today, is a snow day, as well as tomorrow I am sure. Tega Cay, SC is not known for it's salt trucks. And then, they have a teacher service day on Friday. This is a DAYCARE people. What kind of servie do you need to do but take care of my kid? Ok, rude.

So this is the start of Bedrest Digest. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you don't want to smack me when it's over, I hope that you get a chuckle from it here and there, and I really want to make bedrest be interesting. Hmmm, that is going to take some work, but I have got nothing but time.

What will keep me going? The thought of holding my healthy, beautiful baby that we have prayed and dreamt about for so long, seeing Addison with her little sister, knowing Matt is on the verge of jumping off a cliff, and knowing that my family and friends are always there to comfort, help and listen. That is what will keep US going.

Love to you all